This Girl at Home

When we hear the term “self-care” we often think of physical things we can do for ourselves. Spa days, a yummy meal, and a glass of wine are all things that may come to mind. While those are wonderful, you need to also focus on your inner well-being. This is a list of internal self-care tips you need to start now!

Trust Your Intuition

Intuition is defined as the ability to understand something immediately, without conscious reasoning. Some people think of it as a “gut feeling.” I think it’s a combination of that and your mind subconsciously picking up on clues that something isn’t right.

I have always felt very connected to my intuition, and I genuinely can’t think of a time where it let me down. Even if it didn’t become clear right away, eventually the reason for the feeling would come to light. I understand not everyone feels this sense strongly, and I do believe it takes some strengthening, like a muscle, to work its best.

Your intuition can save you from a lot of pain if you let it. The next time you’re making a decision about something, make an effort to pay attention to any underlying feelings. Is your boyfriend swearing he will finally make time for you this weekend? Sure you’re hopeful and excited, but what does that nagging inner part of you keep feeling? It’s probably saying “Girl, stop playing. He isn’t showing up. Again.”

How about when you’re thinking of applying for a promotion. Sure, you’re nervous you won’t get it, you’re worried what something new would be like. But what keeps happening inside? You’re excited, you’re envisioning kicking ass! That’s your intuition saying “Girl, you’re a damn boss, act like it, and apply!”

The more you listen to this feeling, the more you’ll notice the feeling in the first place.
I don’t want to sound like I’m telling you not to take risks, but I am telling you that if your intuition is giving you the red alert, just say “nah”.

Say No

Speaking of saying nah, no is totally a full sentence. It’s also one you should be using when you truly can’t, or don’t want to, do something. I understand there are things in life we will have to do even when we don’t want to, but I bet you’re saying yes to way more things than you actually have to.

This is another skill that may require some practice, but once you get the hang of it, you’ll never go back. When you say yes to something you don’t want to do, it’s often out of guilt or pressure. You say yes to alleviate those feelings, but then you end up frustrated and dreading the commitment. So basically you replaced one set of negative feelings with another. Great.

Let’s look at a scenario. Your coworker is on vacation this week so you’ll be incredibly busy at work. Your in-laws are also coming for the weekend so you need to clean your house this week on top of all your other regularly scheduled things.

You run into Sarah on Wednesday while you’re dropping your kid off at school. She asks if you want to bake something for the elementary school bake sale on Saturday. If you decide to make cupcakes they will need about 100 because somehow no one signed up for those. THIS IS YOUR MOMENT. Your initial reaction is probably to force yourself to say yes and accept that you will not sleep for the next two days. DO NOT DO IT.

Say this. “Thanks for asking, but unfortunately this week is packed for me, so I just can’t take on another thing.” If you feel like you need to say more, you could add this. “Give me a heads up if another fundraiser is coming up, and I’ll be happy to get my mixing bowl out!”

This might be especially difficult if you’re someone that others are accustomed to always getting a “yes” from, but you’re adapting, and so can they. Your feelings are just as important as anyone else’s and someone that truly values you will understand, or will make an effort to understand.

Focus on Gratitude

This probably makes most lists of internal wellness, but there’s a reason for it. It can be difficult to accept, but dwelling on the negative aspects of our lives is often something we have control over.

I know that sometimes we have to get our feelings and frustrations out about things that haven’t gone right, and that’s totally healthy. But continuing to lament and talk about them tends to bring your overall mindset to a negative place. And that isn’t helpful or healthy.

Try to talk about the things that are good in your life, or think about things you can be grateful you have in your life. Do not tell me there’s nothing. I’m certain there are things you have in your life that someone else is dying to have. That is true for all of us and it’s good to remember.

I have absolutely been down about things in my life, but I have found that reminding myself that I have a lot of good things happening helps. You need to be responsible for how you speak to yourself. This brings me to my next point.

Stop Negative Self-Talk

Some negative self talk is more obvious than others. Self-deprecating humor can be light hearted, but over time those inner digs can become something you believe. If you’re always overly chastising yourself for minor mistakes, eventually you’re really going to feel like the idiot you tell yourself you are.

Negative self talk also keeps you out of really great opportunities for more than one reason. When you’re giving yourself harsh criticism, you’re less inclined to believe you’re capable or worthy. This in turn makes you less likely to pursue opportunities.

What’s worse is that if you’re voicing these criticisms, you might spread them to others that never felt that way about you before. And to top it off, it makes you sound incompetent or completely lacking confidence. Neither of those make people think of you as a good candidate for anything.

It’s ok to internally acknowledge areas where you can do better. In fact, I encourage that introspective thought. But, it cannot be the main tone of how you speak to yourself. Encourage yourself to do better. Say to yourself “It bugs me that I’m always late, but I’m proud of myself for getting out of the house 5 minutes earlier today.” Talk to yourself like you were uplifting a friend.

Imagine Your Ideal Self

Who are you at your best? What does that person do that you don’t currently? What are their daily routines like? How did they achieve where they are? These are all good questions to ask yourself when picturing your best you. There’s another quote I love that says “dress for the job you want, not the one you have.”

While this seems to apply to work, I think it really applies to all areas of your life in a way. When you have the answers to those initial questions, you’re able to start to embody the person you want to become. Act like who you want to be, not who you have been.

I highly suggest you write down your answers to those questions and start to formulate a plan for how you can work towards becoming that person. There’s wild statistics about writing goals down and how much more likely they are to be achieved.

It’s not enough to just say I want to be someone who works from home and spends more time with my family. HOW are you going to take steps towards that? Brainstorm and write it down. You might be surprised at how motivating it is to envision becoming this person.

Replace an Unhealthy Coping Mechanism

We all go through tough times and we all likely have habits we go to in order to ease some of our pain. Your goal should be to replace habits that are unhealthy for you, especially when they create guilt or other negative feelings after you’ve done them.

Maybe when you go through a breakup, you always text your ex. It’s someone that pays attention to you so you feel good temporarily, but then after you’re upset with yourself because, well, you went back to your ex. Maybe you binge eat for an entire week. Who doesn’t love comfort food? I get it. But then maybe you feel upset with yourself for getting off track with healthy eating or you gained 5 pounds.

These habits typically develop because they bring comfort so they aren’t easy to break. It takes time and, again, it takes a plan. You can’t expect to wait for your next heartache or disappointment to just try something else. It probably won’t work.

Think about ideas when you’re not in a difficult time so that you have a plan for when it happens. Instead of texting your ex, text a trusted friend and tell them you want to text your ex. Let them help you take some time to process it and back off the idea.

Another idea is to write yourself a letter for when you’re going through the difficult time. Explain to yourself how it feels going back to that unhealthy habit. Give yourself advice on making it through without going back to that. Then when you’re temped to revert back to that behavior, get your letter out to read.

For more self-care strategies, you can read my blog here https://thisgirlathome.com/self-care-strategies/

These tips won’t all be easy, but you WILL see a difference in your life if you put some effort into them. It may take some trial and error and I guarantee you there will be times where you cave and say yes to something, or you hit up Taco Bell 3 times in a week because you’re feeling down. It’s ok. Every day is a new chance to build yourself up and try again.

Comment below and tell me which tip will be tough for you!